RORY: We’re done here.
LOGAN: How are we done here?
RORY: I said everything I have to say.
LOGAN: Which is what?
RORY: I’m a girlfriend girl, Logan. I have boyfriends, not escorts.
LOGAN: Ah. [He starts pacing.]
RORY: I thought I could be different, but I can’t. I’m sorry. Maybe we can just go back to being friends again.
LOGAN [mad]: Or maybe we can become boyfriend and girlfriend, right?
LOGAN: I get it. I get what you’re doing.
RORY: I’m not doing anything.
LOGAN: Hey, if that’s what you want then just come out and say it. But you coming in here and issuing an ultimatum -
RORY: I am not issuing an ultimatum!
LOGAN: That’s not what I heard.
RORY: I said let’s be friends!
LOGAN: That’s not what you meant!
RORY [moans]: I need a taco!
LOGAN [crosses over to her]: All right, fine. I’ll do it.
RORY: Do what?
LOGAN: I’ll be your boyfriend.
RORY: You can’t be my boyfriend.
LOGAN: Why not?
RORY: Because you told me that you can’t be my boyfriend.
LOGAN: If I say I can, then I can.
RORY: You have a hundred girls on speed dial. You keep a second bathrobe in your closet for overnight guests.
LOGAN: That’s all beside the point. You came in here to say you were unhappy with the situation, right?
LOGAN: Fine. I’ve rectified the situation. Problem solved.
RORY: No. Problem not solved.
LOGAN: Hey. If I say I can do this, I can do this![…] Rory. Do you really want to stop seeing me?
RORY: No, but I can’t -
LOGAN: ‘Cause I don’t want to stop seeing you.
RORY: Okay, but -
LOGAN: So then just accept what I’m saying. I like trying new things. It’s new, it’s different, but I can do it.
RORY: Are you sure?
[Logan grabs her and kisses her.]
RORY: Well, I know you can do that, but -
[He kisses her again.]
RORY: I really want to believe you.
LOGAN: Then believe me. We’re starting fresh right now, new beginning. So you want to go grab some lunch? We’ll hammer out the details.
RORY: I should probably change first.
LOGAN: Go home, change. I’ll pick you up in half an hour.
RORY [smiles]: Okay.
[They kiss and laugh.]
LOGAN: See how good this is going so far? I think I’m going to be an excellent boyfriend.
[Rory is typing at her desk. Logan comes in.]
LOGAN: Now, that’s a look of great determination.
RORY: Yes, I’m determined to finish this piece before my caffeine buzz wears off and I have about thirty seconds left.
LOGAN: Did I see you on State Street with…
LOGAN: Right. So you saw me on State Street with…
LOGAN: Are we still good?
RORY: Logan, we both agreed. No strings attached. Remember?
LOGAN: I remember. I was just checking to see how well you remember.
RORY: I remember perfectly.
LOGAN: Okay, that’s good to hear. So -
RORY: Oh, we’re not going to do the ‘so’ thing again, are we?
LOGAN: No, promise. No more so’s. Would you take an ‘um’?
LOGAN: Okay, the night’s young. Where are we going next?
RORY: I don’t think I can move.
JULIET: You’re full?
RORY: I’m full.
JULIET: Is it fabulous?
RORY: You know, Juliet, it doesn’t suck.
FINN: Let’s go to the Alligator Lounge.
LOGAN: Yes. Perfect. Zydeco music. You’ll love this place.
RORY: Well, I –
LOGAN: What do you say, Marty? You up for a little Cajun craziness?
MARTY: Uh, I –
COLIN: Okay. I got it. Everybody owes seventy-five bucks. Pony up, please, so we can get the hell out of here.
LOGAN [to Rory]: I got you.
RORY: Okay. [to Marty] Are you okay? Do you have enough?
MARTY: Uh, I don’t –
LOGAN: Hey, don’t sweat it, man. I can cover you, too.
MARTY: No thanks.
LOGAN: It’s no big deal. I invited you. My treat.
MARTY: It’s okay. I just need to find an ATM. I’ll be right back. [He leaves.]
RORY: Marty –
COLIN: An ATM. My, how quaint.
RORY: I’ll be right back.
LOGAN: You okay?
RORY: Oh, yeah. No, I’m fine. I just – I think I remember seeing a bank across the street, so I’ll go catch Marty.
[Rory comes outside. She sees Marty standing looking at the sidewalk.]
RORY: You couldn’t find an ATM?
MARTY: Oh, no, there’s at least six ATM’s within a two block radius. And every single one of them is going to tell me that I only have eighteen dollars in my account. And then I believe they will flip me off.
RORY: Well, I think some of the more reputable banks have suspended their flipping off policies.
MARTY: I can’t go back in there. I can’t leave. So here I stand, frozen on the sidewalk.
RORY: Here. I have some money.
RORY: Marty, just take it.
MARTY: I’m not going to take your money.
RORY: Well, you’re not going to just stand out here for the rest of the night.
MARTY: Well, why not?
RORY: Because. At the very least, when all those guys come out of the restaurant, they’ll see you. Come on. Please, Marty. Look, just say you found an ATM, take the money, we’ll go inside, you’ll hand it to the guys, and then we’ll leave. You and me.
MARTY: What about the Zydeco club?
RORY: Well, I’ve never felt the need for Zydeco before in my life. No need to change that now. Come on, please?
[Marty accepts the money that Rory is holding out.]
MARTY: Yeah. And I thought getting pantsed at the prom was going to be the low point in my life.
JULIET: Oh, God, the smell of this food is making me ill.
RORY: Mmm, I think it’s delicious.
JULIET: How can you eat like that?
ROSEMARY: Juliet hasn’t eaten a meal since 1994.
JULIET: My metabolism simply doesn’t accept food.
LOGAN: Yes, that must be it. A modern medical miracle. May I? [He pours some of his beer into Rory’s glass.]
RORY: Sure. Hey, Marty, do you want some beer?
LOGAN: Here you go, man. I got you. [He pours.]
FINN: Rosemary’s going home with me tonight. I just thought everyone at this table should know.
ROSEMARY: Oh, Finn, you do hallucinate.
JULIET: Are you going to eat that fried shrimp?
RORY: I think I am.
JULIET: Oh, God, can I watch?
LOGAN: Juliet, just eat something!
JULIET: No! I am not eating until I get married to some gorgeous but very poor man who will sign an iron-clad pre-nup and get very, very fat, but he won’t ever leave me because he would be cut off without a penny and die in a trailer park.
FINN: My God, that is brilliant.
ROSEMARY: That is sick.
FINN: I agree with anything Rosemary says tonight.
ROSEMARY: Not going home with you, Finn.
LOGAN: (1920’s reporter voice, on the phone.) Hello, city desk? Smitty here, take this down. I got a hot scoop on a tall blonde and I gotta put it to bed on the double! (He hangs up, laughs at Doyle, winks at Rory, then puts his feet back on the desk and leans back for a nap with the hat over his face.)
RORY: Hey, Huntzberger!
LOGAN: Hey! You waiting on me?
RORY: Could be.
LOGAN: Wow, I’m flattered.
RORY: Your prerogative.
LOGAN: You here on business or pleasure?
RORY: I just thought maybe I’d give you a chance to respond to my article?
LOGAN: What article?
RORY: The article I’m doing on the Life and Death Brigade.
LOGAN: Don’t really know what you’re talking about.
RORY: You don’t? Huh. I thought you would. It’s a club. One of these super secret, super exclusive clubs here at Yale, membership spans a thousand centuries, secret handshakes and secret sayings, and a lot of running around in circles in your underwear, that kind of thing.
LOGAN: Sounds pretty secret.
RORY: Yeah. Anyhow, I’m doing sort of an expose on this one particular club and I figured, since you’re in it, maybe you’d like to have your point of view included.
LOGAN: I’m in it.
RORY: Well aren’t you?
LOGAN: I’ve yet to run around in a circle in my underwear.
RORY: Well. Okay. I mean, I have proof that your grandfather was in it, which means that your father was in it. Which should mean that you’re in it. But maybe not. Okay.
LOGAN: Sorry to let you down.
RORY: No let down. It would have been nice, but I have plenty of stuff without you, and I’m sorry to have bothered you.
LOGAN: You have plenty without me, huh?
RORY: Oh yeah! I have the ball gowns, the girl in the gorilla mask, In Omnia Paratus – very fancy catch phrase, by the way – the license plate on the black SUV, and about a dozen other little things. I mean, getting an interview with an actual member would have been great. But I’m okay without it.
LOGAN: Well, great.
RORY: Yep. Plus I’m completely onto your routine now.
RORY: Yeah. So I figure I’ll just track you, and you’ll eventually lead me there anyway. So, hey. I mean it would have been easier if you just would have talked to me now, but I can do it the other way if you want.
LOGAN: The other way.
LOGAN: You tracking me.
LOGAN: Following my every move?
LOGAN: I pick that way.
RORY: Okay, but –
LOGAN: We can start right now, if you want. I’m heading back to my room, I can keep the window open in case you feel the need to sneak in, and track me from the inside.
RORY: Thanks for the info.
LOGAN: Absolutely. (Turns to leave.) And hey, good luck with that article. Sounds like a hell of a scoop. (Walks away.)
RORY: I wonder how beer tastes with ice cream in it.
LOGAN: I give you one month.
RORY: To do what?
LOGAN: Before you’re back at school. One month.
RORY: You are wrong.
RORY: Oh, I cannot believe how little faith you have in me. I mean, what kind of match would I be for you if I just went running right back to a life of respectability without even attempting to join the French Foreign Legion?
LOGAN: You love school.
RORY: Not anymore.
LOGAN: No. You love school. I saw it. That doesn’t just go away.
RORY: Well, I have reformed, all right? From now on, no more scheduling. No more planning. I am just going to spend my days making ice cream beer floats and just taking life as it comes. You’ll see. New me.
LOGAN: If you say so.
RORY: I do say so.
LOGAN: You like lobster?
LUKE: I’ve never had lobster.
LOGAN: I think you’ll like it, if I don’t screw it up. Making lobster is a time-honored Huntzberger family tradition. It’s in our blood.
LOGAN: So, FYI, I’m probably going to do the present thing at dinner.
LUKE [clueless]: The - present thing.
LOGAN: Just want to give you a heads up, don’t want to complicate your life.
LUKE: You got Rory a present.
LOGAN: For Valentine’s Day. [Luke looks away.] You forget?
LUKE: I just didn’t get anything.
LUKE: I mean, Valentine’s Day isn’t technically ‘till Tuesday.
LUKE: I have a couple of extra days.
LUKE: Is there anything open nearby?
LOGAN: Only if you want to buy her a windbreaker or some boating equipment.
LOGAN: Look, I went a little nuts and got two things for Rory. Let me give you one to give to Lorelai.
LUKE: No, no, no, no.
LOGAN: Yes! I got a necklace and a tennis bracelet. She doesn’t need both. Take one, whichever one.
LUKE: I can’t do that.
LOGAN: Dude, it’s Valentine’s Day. You got to give your girl a gift.
LUKE: Well, maybe I will take one.
LOGAN: Which one?
LUKE: How about the necklace?
LUKE: Mainly because I have no idea what a tennis bracelet is.
LOGAN: Let me finish up getting these things on, I’ll take you in and show it to you. I left them in the car so Rory wouldn’t find them.
LUKE: You really don’t have to do this.
LOGAN: I’m happy to. We men got to stick together.
[Luke and Logan come down the stairs, looking for the girls. They are sitting at a bench with two guys massaging their shoulders.]
LOGAN: Hey, guys. What’s going on?
LORELAI: Oh, wow. I was like in a Zen trance, I was totally somewhere else!
RORY: Me too! I was in Greece. Where were you?
LORELAI: Bergdorf Goodman.
RORY: When you reach a Zen trance you go to Bergdorf Goodman?
LORELAI: To each his own. Thanks, Ron, Jerry.
RORY: Yeah, thanks guys!
[The guys leave.]
LOGAN: I didn’t know the gym had masseurs.
RORY: They don’t.
LORELAI: No, Ron and Jerry work for the laundry service. But they missed their calling.
LUKE: You got laundry guys to give you a massage?
RORY: Never underestimate the persuasive powers of Lorelai Gilmore.
LOGAN [approaching]: Hey, there’s our intrepid travelers.
LORELAI: Hi, Logan.
LOGAN: Welcome. And this must be Luke?
LORELAI: Oh, no, I dumped Luke. This is Clem, I picked him up at a truck stop on ninety-five. We were at the register paying for our blue plates and our hands reached for the same Dixie Chicks cassette -
LUKE: Luke Danes.
LORELAI: Oh, you just missed Rory. She’s on her way back to school.
LOGAN: I know, I’m actually here to see you.
LORELAI: Oh. Okay. Come on in.
LOGAN: Thank you.
LORELAI: Do you want, um, any food or drink? I ordered way too many fries.
LOGAN: No, thanks. I’m all good.
LORELAI: Here, have a seat. Um… so, how was your trip?
LOGAN: Oh, it was really great. Actually that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.
LORELAI: Oh, god. I know nothing about that world. Apple, IBM, Microsoft…I’m out.
LOGAN: Well, I’ve been offered a position with an emerging internet company.
LORELAI: Wow, that’s great.
LOGAN: Yeah it’s pretty similar to what I was doing in New York, but actually they’re willing to make me a full partner. I’ll be getting in on the ground floor.
LORELAI: That’s exciting!
LOGAN: It is. It’s gonna be a lot of long hours and an incredible amount of work building the company, but I really feel this venture has a bright future. I mean, these are serious people.
LORELAI: And you’re a serious guy. Look, you don’t have to convince me. I voiced my concerns, and you told me your plans. We had pie. I’m cool.
LOGAN: Thank you. I appreciate that. That means a lot to me.
LORELAI: Oh. You’re welcome.
LOGAN: So, the thing is — as you can imagine, I’m pretty excited about all this.
LOGAN: But it does mean a move to San Francisco — Palo Alto, actually.
LORELAI: Oh, wow.
LORELAI: That’s big. That’s funny that Rory didn’t mention it.
LOGAN: Well actually, I haven’t told her yet.
LORELAI: And you’re here ‘cause you want me to tell her for you?
LOGAN: No, no. I’m gonna tell her. I just um, I wanted to talk to you first about it.
LORELAI: Okay. That’s…thoughtful.
LOGAN: Look… I love Rory. She means the world to me, and I want her to come with me to California.
LOGAN: But not just as my girlfriend, which is why I’m here. I’m here to ask your permission — your permission to ask Rory to marry me.
[Lorelai looks stunned]
LOGAN: Lorelai? Lorelai?
LOGAN: Here you are.
RORY [quietly]: Here I am.
LOGAN: I was looking all over for you. I didn’t see you when I was walking down the aisle, I looked for you during the ceremony. Where were you?
LOGAN: You missed the wedding?
RORY [nods]: I’ll apologize to Honor later.
LOGAN: Forget Honor, what’s going on? [She stares at the wall. He starts to lean down.] Rory.
RORY [puts her hand up to stop him and glares at him]: You didn’t say a word. You just let me walk into a room full of girls you’d had sex with. [Logan’s eyes close.] Oh, no, wait, I’m sorry. You only had sex with two of them. One of them you just fooled around with. Whatever that means. She spared me the exact parameters of the fooling around, you want to fill me in?
RORY: You know what, never mind. I’ve got a good imagination, I can figure it out.
LOGAN: Okay, look.
RORY: I can’t believe it. You didn’t just cheat on me. You really cheated on me.
LOGAN: I didn’t cheat on you.
RORY [stands]: Oh, so you didn’t sleep with -
LOGAN: No, I did, but we were broken up.
RORY: No! You were broken up! Not me, I thought we were just taking some time!
LOGAN: Apart. Not seeing each other.
RORY: Yes. Taking some time. Not seeing each other for a while. That doesn’t mean broken up!
LOGAN: Oh, come on.
RORY: No! When you break up, you have to tell the other person! You can’t just decide that you’re broken up, and just go off and - God! I can’t believe I fell for all your stupid tricks! The coffee cart, and going to my mother - you went to my mother! Why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of backup! What do you need me for?
LOGAN: Because I love you.
RORY: No. Don’t. [She turns to leave.]
LOGAN: Rory, I didn’t cheat on you, I didn’t lie to you!
RORY: You didn’t tell me!
LOGAN: Of course not! Why would I tell you? Why would I want you to be hurt and upset and angry?
RORY: Blondie, Dizzy, I love the cover. Pretending all those girls were worthless idiots!
LOGAN: They are worthless idiots! Shooting their mouths off in front of you like that?
RORY: It’s not their fault!
LOGAN: It is their fault. They love doing crap like this, causing trouble.
RORY: We were only apart for like two seconds and you managed to sleep with every one of your sister’s friends! How did you even do that? I mean, did you work them in shifts? Were there charts? Signals? B12 shots?
LOGAN: I was depressed. I was lonely and I was upset. I’ve known these girls forever. It was companionship, okay? It meant nothing.
RORY [forcefully]: Don’t be at the apartment between ten and one tomorrow so I can get my stuff.
[Rory is getting dressed with loud music playing. She looks very professional. Logan comes in.]
[She can’t hear him. He comes up behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder. She shrieks.]
RORY: Oh, you scared me!
LOGAN [turns down the music]: Sorry.
RORY: I guess that was a little loud.
LOGAN [shouts teasingly]: What?
LOGAN: I’m telling you, we should take this on the road. [Rory laughs.] I see you went with Faye Dunaway in Network.
RORY: And Maureen Dowd come hither pumps, for good measure.
LOGAN: I wish I could be there for you.
RORY: Oh, you do not.
LOGAN: I do too!
RORY: You’d be asleep in three minutes.
LOGAN: The pumps would have kept me going for at least four. [He chugs a glass of Scotch.] I’m in a suit at two o’clock in the afternoon. Honor has to have everyone dressed for a wedding rehearsal. How did I get conned into this?
RORY: Into what?
LOGAN: Being one of Josh’s groomsmen.
RORY: You like Josh.
LOGAN: I don’t even know Josh.
RORY: He’s going to be your brother-in-law.
LOGAN: Yes, exactly. Going to be. Key word is going. He’s not now.
RORY: Your tie’s crooked.
LOGAN [fixes it]: But as of today, Josh is simply the guy who holds my sister’s purse when she goes shopping. Because of that, I have to spend the next six hours practicing to walk in a straight line.
RORY: You have yet to accomplish that, so a little practice won’t hurt.
LOGAN: I’m not there and I’m bored already.
RORY: You can always talk to your good friend Flasky.
LOGAN [laughs]: Right! Thanks for the reminder! [He goes to get his flask.] I just don’t understand wedding rehearsals. The bachelor party I get.
RORY: I bet you do.
LOGAN: The actual ceremony I get. But the rehearsal, I don’t get.
RORY: Wallet. [She hands it to him.]
LOGAN: And after we finish rehearsing, I have to sit through a five-course dinner surrounded by my new family and Honor’s brigade of moronic bridesmaids.
RORY: Oh, come on. You love Honor, her friends can’t be that bad.
LOGAN: Oh, no. Blondy, Dipsy, Bubbles, Four Nose Jobs and Charm McGee? All great gals.
LOGAN: Seriously. Can’t you just do the panel, blow off the mixer and meet me for the dinner?
RORY: Logan, come on. By the time I get out of there and get back here to change, drive all the way to New York, dinner would be over.
LOGAN: No it wouldn’t. Dinner’s never going to be over. It’s going to last forever.
RORY: I will be here waiting for you when you get back and I will have aspirin.
LOGAN: Fine, I’ll be back by eleven. Ten of eleven, possibly ten-thirty.
RORY: Go. [She pushes him out the door.]
[Rory closes the door and walks away. The door reopens suddenly.]
RORY: Did you forget something?
LOGAN [kisses her passionately]: You look incredible. Knock ‘em dead. [She nods. He kisses her again and leaves. She smiles, returns to the bedroom and turns the music back up.]